<![CDATA[Remembering Our Common Ground - Musings]]>Wed, 17 Apr 2024 11:38:55 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[AGING - CONT'D]]>Thu, 30 Nov 2023 16:56:29 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/aging-contd​AFFIRMING LIFE
This brings me to the second affirmation:  Affirming Life.  I’d like to begin with a story from the natural world.
Several years ago I was on a backpacking trip with a friend.  We were packing from the Ansel Adams Wilderness into Yosemite National Park.  We had gone off trail and dead-reckoned across a ridge and down to a pristine alpine lake.  At the far end of the lake there was a small waterfall and an uninterrupted view across successive valleys to Half Dome and beyond.  There have been places in the wilderness so sublime that my thoughts have been “it would be perfectly all right to die on this spot and in this moment.”  This was one of those places.  In the evening light, I wander off to be alone with the last bird song, the trickling water, the rocky prominences reflecting the orange of the setting sun, and the cool, still air.  I surrender to the death of the day and in the magic of a single instant I am carried to a place beyond time and space.  I gaze upward and my mind’s eye sees a filament floating against the clear, light blue sky.  The filament reaches back to all the ancestors who have gone before, spans eons of time to the present and floats into the time yet to come.  I am a speck, an atom on this filament.  You, too, are a speck, an atom on this filament.  My presence and yours are significant for each of us contributes to the wholeness of this filament.  The filament may look fragile but each of us gives continuity to this filament.  This is our responsibility to that microscopic part of us that is three and half billion years old!
I do not pretend to know how this image and this knowing came to me.  It was a transformative moment and I had both the relief and the joy of knowing my connectedness to all that has gone before and all that is yet to come.  It helped me to define who I am and why I am here.  This is the affirmation of life.  Each of us is here to contribute to the whole of life, to strengthen the filament as it transcends time.  To honor our connectedness and to honor our place on the filament, each of us must let go of a belief in our nothingness to take our rightful place in the community of all beings.  And it reminds us that to live, really live, each of us must be willing to die over and over again as we leave behind the known to enter the unknown.  And this perspective reminds us that we are here in this body for a microsecond in cosmic time.
As we age, we grow our wisdom through the crucible of experience.  This morning, I chose Frog Song not only for the children but for us, as well, for without Fernando, the question that led to empowerment and improvisation would never have been asked.  With the wisdom of his years, Fernando knew something that others had forgotten.  Wisdom carries perspective, curiosity, teaching, learning and creativity often lost to those living only in their minds or only in the immediacy of experience.  As we age, wisdom is the chalice we offer to our community when we choose to live life every day as a marvelous adventure.  So I leave you with these questions when I talk about Affirming Life:
  1.  How willing are you to die over and over again so that you can fully affirm life?
  2. Over the years we each develop the gifts of our individual being.  What are your gifts to the community?
  3. How do you share your gifts with your community?
  4. When you share your gifts, what comes back to you?
 
AFFIRMING LOVE
And so I turn to the last affirmation –Affirming Love.  Love is about our connectedness, our capacity to give and receive from the heart.  Again I would like to begin with a story.
I am in a workshop in eastern California.  For our last experience each of us is instructed to go out into the wilderness to have a conversation with a non-human being and to return with the conversation.  Immediately I know where I will go and the time of day I will choose.  We are camped near the Bristlecone Pine forest.  These are the oldest living trees on earth and I plan to have a sunrise conversation with one of the matriarchs that lives at 12,000 feet.
The next morning I arrive at the trailhead well before dawn.  Dressed warmly in this below freezing environment, I hurriedly set out on the trail.  I take no time to rest for I want to be there before sunrise.  Soon my chosen tree comes into view.  As I climb up and off the trail to the east side of the tree, the dawning light unfolds and the sun’s first rays catch the High Sierra peaks to the west.  This particular matriarch is three-quarters dead and one-quarter alive.  Already she has lived much of her life as have I.  Unsure what to do next, I wait.  What comes to me is the urge to lie down, to prostrate myself on the rocks at the foot of the tree.  Despite being discomfited by this, I do it and am immediately filled with emotion that arises from somewhere deep inside me.  Through tears, I begin my conversation.
              I offer a prayer of gratitude:
              “Ancient One, thank you for your presence, your stamina, your roots, your courage and your witnessing of life.”
              The Ancient One responds:
              “But these are your qualities, too.  You may be a child in the universe but you are an elder in the community of humans.”
              I ask:
“What can you tell me about living and dying?”
She responds:
“I have nothing to offer.”
My questions turn to the tree herself:
“I see all these scars upon you.  Can you tell me about them?”
The Ancient One answers:
“These scars hold the story of my life.  They make me an individual among the other trees.  They give me character and, in time, these scars become marks of beauty.”
I tell her:
“Since I first came to visit the Ancient Ones several years ago, I knew this is where my ashes will come when I die.  I cannot think of a more honored place to be with the ancestors.”
The Ancient One replies:
“I will welcome your ashes to rest with the Ancients.”
She goes on:
“These parts of me that have already died represent not only my great age but also all the destruction that I have witnessed in the world – the destruction caused by natural upheavals as well as the destruction wrought by humans through the ages.  I have witnessed the destruction of the earth and her precious resources and the torture and slaughter of one another.  The time is short.  Do what you can to bring peace and harmony.”
Deeply moved by both her presence and her message, I respond:
“Thank you for honoring me as an elder.  I will do my best to bring my gifts to my community.”
I remain prostrate for a time then gather myself up to leave.
 
Affirming love is affirming our connectedness to the self, to one another, and to all that is here.  In my connectedness to this matriarch, I find a love for myself, an honoring of who I am and my purpose for being here.  Each of us is a work of art but the art is not static but dynamic.  We can always be evolving if we dare the journey all the way to the end.  This is important – loving one’s essence, loving all of one’s shortcomings, and loving all skills and abilities that may fall away with age.  Our essence remains to the very end.  Each of us must remember and receive this for oneself.
But we must also receive the love of others.  In receiving help with those experiences or tasks that we can no longer do or wish to do, we are acknowledging our place in the circle of community.  We willingly do this for others thus we must allow others to offer their love in similar fashion.  As someone who learned to be independent at a very young age, the act of receiving love has been challenging.  And in New Hampshire, a state known for its “Live Free or Die” motto, we have much to learn about receiving love without fearing that dues are attached.
There is a reciprocal quality to love.  Receiving the love of others is also a form of giving love for in the receiving I am honoring the other and the space between that connects us.  Likewise as I offer my love and it is received with genuineness, the love comes back to me.  This is our common ground.  So here are some questions to contemplate about Affirming Love:
  1. How do you make space for honoring and loving who you are?
  2. How do you share your gifts with your community?
  3. If you are an elder, in what ways do you allow your community to gift you with their love?
  4. If you are not an elder, in what ways do you show your love both for the wisdom and the shortcomings of the elders in your community?
In closing, I would offer that we often forget that life is just one big improvisation.  How very exciting that we have these challenges every day to let go of something old to find something new, to die so that we may fully live.  Is aging any different?  We have our problem solving, our experiences and that internal rhythm that flows through us on which to rely.  We have those touchstones – affirming death, affirming life, affirming love- all of which help us join the dance called aging.  Come dance.  Come improvise.  And then one day, our life as we know it here on earth will come to an end.  We will join the ancestors.  And that three and half billion year microscopic part of us will find a new venue in which to dance.
]]><![CDATA[Aging As An Improvisational Art]]>Thu, 07 Sep 2023 17:01:42 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/aging-as-an-improvisational-art​Just as there is no guide for how to negotiate the significant stages of life – for example, how to be an adolescent, how to court, how to partner, how to parent – there is no guide for how to negotiate aging.  Thus as we age our way into a body less agile, strong or enduring as it once was; and a mind, less organized and reliable as it once was; and into a life, less focused on earning a living and more focused on living fully, we wonder how to do this thing called aging.
Even if a guide existed, it would not serve us well.  First, it is difficult for us to keep pace with the significant ways in which the world is ever changing.  Any guide would be quickly outdated in today’s world.  Secondly, we are living longer as life expectancy increases yearly.  Thus the concept of retirement as defined by earlier generations no longer applies.  In the end, it is left to each of us to choose how we wish to experience this process called aging.
To me, improvising means “making it up as I go along.”  I think it presupposes a certain amount of trust in my ability to respond in a meaningful way to the challenges.  Improvisation also leads me to thinking about those who are really good at improvising – some musicians, athletes, creative thinkers – and wondering what makes them good at what they do.  I think they are good at learning and integrating experiences, they enjoy challenges, and, most importantly, they pay attention and trust an internal rhythm that runs through them and, connects them to other like-minded beings.  Thus together they create works of art on the stage, in the arena, in academia and in the world.  And I believe these very qualities also run through each of us when and if we make space and time for them.
So each of us has the capacity to welcome challenges, to learn from our experiences and to listen to the internal rhythm that flows through us as we meet the vagaries of aging.  It is important to remember that we already have what we need to improvise.  But I also like to have a few touchstones upon which I can focus as I improvise.  I would like to offer three touchstones that are hallmarks of being human and may guide us.  These hallmarks are Affirming Death, Affirming Life and Affirming Love.  I would like to begin with Affirming Death for how we choose to meet this challenge influences how we choose life and love.  And I would like to draw upon experiences and knowledge of the natural world as we explore these three touchstones.
AFFIRMING DEATH
I begin with a story.
I am nearing the end of an extended backpacking trip in the Colorado Rockies.  I am crossing the Continental Divide and am filled with the aliveness of the tundra world – the still, cool air; the birds flitting about on the breezes; the miniaturized flowers whose bright colors compete for the attention of any pollinator; the willow ptarmigan scurrying off with her hatchlings.  Steeped in life, I jauntily leave the tundra and begin my descent back to a trailhead.  An occasional marmot, relative of the eastern woodchuck, whistles an alarm and runs to hide among the boulders as I approach.  Little rabbit-like conies run for cover, too.  They survive at this altitude by harvesting, drying, and storing grasses and sedges during this shortened summer season.  Small tufts of their harvests lie drying on trailside rocks in preparation for the long winter.
Nearing a rock cairn marking the trail, I see a cony run into the cairn to hide.  Then I see a pine marten run up the trail and enter the cairn from the other side.  My knowing and reality collide.  In the next seconds the air is filled with the agonized screams of the cony.  I want to cover my ears, I want to flee; yet I remain rooted to the earth, a helpless witness to the pain and terror of death.  Then there is nothing but silence.  It is as if the whole world has suddenly stopped – nothing moves.  Then the pine marten exits the cairn and runs back down the trail with a limp cony clasped in its jaws.  Shaken by the rawness of this meeting, I am fixed to this spot for a long time before I can move on.  A great turning has taken place – the death of one so that another and its progeny may live.  In witnessing this meeting, I was awakened to something I often choose to forget: that the cycle of life, death, and rebirth is a constant in my life and includes my own mortality and that of those I love.
It is a fact – each of us is mortal.  At some point each of us will cease to exist in a breathing, blood pumping body.  As each of us closes in on this end point, our mortality becomes ever clearer and we have choices as to how we hold this understanding.
  1. We can live in denial.  This means ignoring the signs of aging, resenting one’s failing body and/or mind, ignoring good self-care and generally putting family members through hell by refusing to make plans or talk about what is happening.  Perhaps fear of dying and the unknown of what comes next, fear of unfinished business with significant others, and fear of saying goodbye to loved ones grips our being.
  2. Living in denial is one choice.  We can also choose to court death and make death our partner day-to-day.  Thus all our choices have the overlay of “I am going to die so why ……..?”  We can think of all kinds of ways that this stops us from living daily.  And in the process of giving life over to death we have a sure prescription for depression.
  3. A third choice is to affirm our death by living in preparation with acceptance.  The preparation part is the easier for it entails practical actions – monitoring and maintaining health, preparing will and directives, making plans for one’s body after death, cleaning out, and saying goodbyes.  But we cannot get to these tasks without acceptance.
It is this latter choice of acceptance that I want to explore more fully and it brings me back to the natural world and the world of the indigenous people.  Life and death surround us every day, everywhere.  Everything on earth is born into life, lives for a period of time, then dies to return in a new form – clouds, lakes, animals, trees, leaves, birds, insects among them.  We humans are no different.
Life is lived in a Circle.  The Native American Medicine Wheel with its four cardinal directions honors the seasons of life from birth to death to rebirth.  Thus the Wheel or Circle encompasses the seasons – east, the spring of new beginnings; south, the summer of growing; west, the fall of harvest; north, the winter of withdrawal into the earth and back again to spring in the east.  The Wheel or Circle also applies to the 24 hour day birthed in the east with dawn, through mid-day in the south, dusk in the west, and darkness in the north.  Thus every day dies to give birth to a new day.  We, too, live in a circle.  Thus the east is our birth; the south, our childhood; the west, our adolescence; the north, our adulthood.  Three-quarters of this circle from east through to north is called the Red Road of life and the last quarter is called the Blue Road and is the road of preparation for death and transformation.  Indigenous cultures honor those travelling the Blue Road for they know these beings to be the wisdom keepers who hold the legacy for those who will follow.  The elders are held with respect by the tribe and are supported in their journey to death and beyond.  What is there for us to learn here about being honored and accepting death as a normal part of living?  Might we be able to acknowledge this circle of life more appropriately if we knew that we were celebrated for our wisdom and gifts rather than thrown on the scrap heap by a culture that values youth?
So these are the questions:
  1. How do you affirm death?
  2. What plans have you made for your death?
  3. Do you have “unfinished business” with significant others?  If so, what do you need to do?  I would add that Ira Byock, a leader in palliative care, says that the four most important communications to loved ones are:  I love you.  Please forgive me.  I forgive you.  Thank you.
  4. How do you honor the elders in your community?
  5. If you are an elder, how do you honor your own wisdom and offerings?  As an elder, how do you allow others to honor you?
​To Be Continued:
]]><![CDATA[LESSONS IN COMMUNITY]]>Thu, 27 Jul 2023 14:21:44 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/lessons-in-communityI would like to share another personal story about meeting the natural world using it as a jumping off place to reflect upon the lessons that we may take from the story.
In this story, LESSONS IN COMMUNITY, I am on two separate journeys.  First I am walking amidst the giant redwood trees in The John Muir Woods north of San Francisco.  The woods are dark and dank.  It is foggy and there is dampness underfoot.  I am awed by the majesty of these trees that reach 300-350 feet into the sky.  I stand beside a long, slender trunk and look up to the canopy high above.  I am shrunk to my human size.  I am curious, too.  How do these trees survive?  They are top heavy.  The canopy, an ecosystem unto itself, is bathed in ocean fogs.  Often powerful Pacific storms come ashore and pound against these trees.  Like many conifers, the redwood root system is shallow so how do these tall, slender trees with top-heavy canopies survive without toppling over?  Well, imagine this!  Each redwood intertwines its roots with the roots of all the redwoods in its immediate area.  Thus there is an underground mat of intertwined roots creating a family or community of trees.
The second journey is on the eastern side of California.  I am alone on a four day, three night fasting Vision Quest in the high desert of Death Valley.  Each day I go exploring.  One afternoon I walk up a small hill and look back to my little living site.  What I see are sagebrush bushes scattered over the area.  Each seems to have staked out a certain territory into which another sagebrush dare not enter.  Is there some desert gardener at work here?  Just like all plants, the sagebrush needs water to survive.  The desert is not a place where water is plentiful.  Thus to adapt to its environment, the sagebrush which is no more than five feet by five feet sends out its roots in a twenty-foot wide concentric circle.  In this way each bush is able to maximize the uptake of a precious resource, water.
Take a moment and reflect on how this story from the natural world can touch us.  Are there lessons to take with us?  What are the gifts?
In LESSONS IN COMMUNITY, the teaching is about adaptation and the balance between self and community.  The redwood ensures its survival by creating a close-knit community in which the survival of one means the survival of all; whereas the sagebrush, in order to ensure its survival, maintains distance and clear boundaries between itself and others of its species.  Are we any different as human beings?
Our task as adults and elders is to nurture our gifts, those talents and ways of being that makes each of us a distinct individual, and then to bring those gifts into the community of all beings.  So like the sagebrush, we need clear boundaries so that we have a clear sense of self and other.  How does one make connection with others without putting oneself in servitude to the other?  Certainly on a day-to-day basis we can share our gifts, both material and immaterial, but to maintain both service to self and other, we must know how to shepherd our resources so as to be replenished and not depleted.  It is all too easy to share our gifts without thought to our own needs and then find ourselves depleted and burned out.  This is a constant concern for those working in helping professions, parents and others reaching out around the world.  Knowing how to share our gifts without putting ourselves in servitude is a necessary wisdom.
Then like the redwood, what do I offer in connection?  I offer my gifts but at the same time I am receiving the gifts of others.  Our strength comes in this mutual exchange.  It brings us to the common ground that is necessary to sustain all that is here – humankind, the earth, the elements, the flora and fauna.
So with this story, I ask you to take a moment to reflect.  Think about yourself as a tree.  How deeply do your roots run?  Whom does your canopy touch?  Who reaches towards you?  When chaos and darkness come into your life, are you like the sagebrush or the redwood?  If you are like the sagebrush, does the redwood have a lesson for you?  If you are like the redwood, does the sagebrush have a lesson for you?
Are you willing to dare to grow the self and to bring your gifts into the community of all beings?  Are you willing to find and honor our common ground?
]]><![CDATA[FINDING COMMON GROUND: MEETING OUR WISDOM TEACHERS-THE TRICKSTER]]>Mon, 22 May 2023 07:00:00 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/finding-common-ground-meeting-our-wisdom-teachers-the-tricksterI would like to share another personal story about meeting the natural world using it as a jumping off place to reflect upon the lessons that we may take from the story.
I entitle this story THE TRICKSTER.  I am camping on the eastern side of California’s High Sierras and attending a Lost Borders Workshop called Ceremonies of the Night.  All of our experiences are pursued alone in the dark of night.  I have been instructed to go out after sunset and find a star to which to talk.  I choose the North Star for it is known as the star of orientation.  In the Northern Hemisphere it is the one to which travelers turn to find their way.
Standing in the dark, looking up at the North Star and thinking about what to say, I request guidance for the next part of my journey.  Suddenly a cloud travels east and completely obscures the North Star, filling me with consternation.  What do I do now?  The cloud cover is increasing, leaving no hope that the North Star will reappear this evening.  The darkness and cold penetrate yet I am reluctant to move, even more reluctant to “fail” in this assignment.  Fixed to this spot and continuing to stare upward into a cloud-filled sky, a large, winged creature flies from left to right across the blackness in front of me and disappears into the night.  Shocked, I step backward in surprise and let out an involuntary “Whoa!”  With mind racing, I try to make sense of what has just happened.  I guess that it may be an owl and begin to hoot hoping for a response.  Of course, nothing responds.  Silently I wait as the cold penetrates deeper into my being.  Minutes pass.  Suddenly the creature returns as silently as before and on the same flight path.  Now I can see its shape more clearly and realize it is not an owl but a bat!  Having had several encounters with small bats in the Northeast, I am struck by this one’s size.  With this knowing I am unafraid and instead awed by the experience.  What sense am I to make of this?  What meaning am I to attach to the disappearance of the North Star and the appearance of bat?  Silently I steal away to leave the dark to the bat.
 
How can this story from the natural world touch us?  Are there lessons that we can take with us?  What are the gifts?
In this story I meet THE TRICKSTER in the form of bat.  In Native American storytelling, there is often a trickster – an animal that appears and turns the world upside down.  When the trickster arrives, the person or a people must let go of some belief, some way of being so that something new can be birthed – a new way to see the self or the world.  Here I am dutifully following the instructions to find a star but the clouds come to hide the star and a bat appears.  As a child, I learned to not trust my own knowing and allowed others to define my truth.  In talking to the star, I was looking for guidance, yet the star was hidden by the clouds and bat appeared.  What did I know about bat?  Bat travels at night, not by its eyes, but by its internal sonar.  Ah, I got it!  Instead of looking “out there” for my guidance, I needed to look “in here”, inside me.  I had to let go of my reliance on others to birth a knowing that lives within me.
The lesson is that the trickster shows up in our lives whether we want a trickster or not.  The paramount question is how will I treat the trickster?  Will I be filled with anger at being knocked out of my comfort zone or will I welcome the trickster as a helper on my life’s journey.  Certainly I have done both.  I am learning to be more welcoming of the trickster’s arrival for I realize that it is waking me up and bringing me back to conscious living.  I cannot leave the trickster without musing about the trickster’s repeated appearance through weather cataclysms – unusual hurricanes or storms, earthquakes, tsunamis.  Certainly we are being warned but are we willing to listen and alter our lifestyles and lives?
So with this story, I ask you to take a moment to reflect.  How recently has the trickster shown up in your life and turned it upside down?  How did you respond?  Did you run? Fight back? Ignore? Follow a new path?  What did you learn from this experience?  And as we move from an industrial growth world to a sustainable world, many changes will be required of us.  Will you wait for the trickster or will you try to get ahead of him or her?
These are the lessons of the Trickster.  Dare to meet the darkness of your own being and welcome the Trickster so that you may birth new ways of being in the world.

]]><![CDATA[Seeding-Wisdom Teachers]]>Thu, 06 Apr 2023 18:54:14 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/seeding-wisdom-teachers​

I would like to share a personal story about meeting the natural world using it as a jumping off place to reflect upon the lessons that we may take from the story.
I title this story SEEDING, I am camping in the desert of Joshua Tree National Monument in California.  It is spring and I have come to both photograph the desert and to explore my fears about hiking in a strange and foreboding environment.  For years I have harbored a fear of snakes and other creepy, crawly creatures.  Being experienced at hiking in the mountains with clearly defined trails, I am also fearful about getting lost in a desert where there are no trails and few landmarks to help with orientation.

I am disappointed to find the desert blooms to be only those of the usual cacti – prickly pear, ocotillo and teddy bear cholla.  I was hoping for a spring profusion of flowers.  Hoping to find some hidden oasis replete with carpets of desert blooms I decide to explore a high desert wash – a place where waters run only in the rainy seasons of fall and winter.  The wash nestled between low canyon walls should help me to find my way.  As I walk deeper into the canyon, the wash divides into several branches and I am challenged to determine the main branch.  Is there a main branch?  When I turn around, will I know which branch to follow?  The loose sand leaves no identifiable footprints so I cannot rely on retracing my footsteps.  Vultures circle endlessly overhead looking for death.  I am pulled in two directions – finding the oasis or turning and running back to my car.  I hike on.  Finally I realize there is no oasis to be found and turn around hoping to find the right path back to my car.  I return safely but I am sobered by a world that so starkly lives between life and death.

Undeterred I decide to explore the low, open desert still seeking that elusive oasis.  Here there are no confining walls.  There is only an undulating carpet of sand dotted with scraggly bushes and a few flowers.  If I begin to walk across this expanse how will I know which way to go to return to my car which will be out of sight?  And there is another challenge – how not to meet a sidewinder snake which propels itself across the sand by undulating motions of its entire body.  I have heard that in the day they burrow themselves into the sand in the sparse shade beneath bushes.  Believing this, I give bushes a wide berth.  As for ensuring safe return to my car, I use a compass to help me set a beeline course out into the desert.  There is no wandering.  I am so preoccupied with my being safe, I lose all interest in finding that oasis and beeline back to my car in an hour or so.  So I learned something about travelling in the desert but I have not resolved my fear of snakes and I did not find an oasis.
​
What I want to focus on was my desire to see the desert in full bloom.  Reluctantly I had to admit that the lack of rain in the fall and winter meant the desert could not come alive.  Instead what remained hidden from view were all the tiny seeds hidden beneath grains of sand, or caught in crevices or tightly encased in seed pods.  All of these seeds filled with the promise of life would have to await the nourishing rains of another time before they could burst forth with all their potential for life.

Now, how can this story from the natural world touch us?  Are there lessons that we can take with us?  What are the gifts?

I want to draw our those seeds.  I was looking for a carpet of desert wildflowers and was sorely disappointed because the usual fall and winter rains did not come.  Thus all those seeds, filled with the promise of life, were left to wait for the sweet life-giving rains in future years before they could burst their seed coverings, reach tiny tendrils in to the desert earth and bloom.

Are we any different?  We, too, catch seeds, carry seeds and sow seeds.  And those seeds cannot bloom unless we and others nourish them into life.  Many people touch our lives both directly and indirectly over our lifetime.  Through their enthusiasms, curiosity, wisdom and love, they left seeds with us.  How have we nourished those gifts?  What does it require of us to help those seeds to grow within us so that we may bring our gifts forward into our community?  I believe it takes daring greatly to live, to embrace life, to be willing to give up the known for the unknown.  After all, the seed does not shrink from the water nor does it know what will happen when the water permeates its seed covering.  Neither do we.  What an adventure!

I said earlier that we are seed catchers, seed carriers and seed sowers.  We are the direct link between those who came before us and those who will follow.  Everyday as parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends, we plant seeds and till the ground with our love.  These are acts of faith and hope for we do not know which ones will be nourished by these new seed catchers and carriers.

So I ask you to take a moment to reflect.  Who sowed seeds for you?  How do you honor these seed sowers?  Are there seeds you left dormant?  If so, why?  What would you have to change for you to be able to nurture them now?  And what gifts have you nurtured that you can now bring forth into community?  How do you do that?  How do you honor your own gifts?

These are the lessons.  Dare greatly to catch the seeds others send your way, nourish those seeds with love, and share your seed gifts without knowing what new seeds will come.



]]><![CDATA[TIMES OF TROUBLES]]>Fri, 17 Mar 2023 14:48:38 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/times-of-troublesThese are “Times of Troubles.”  When I look around,
  • I see leaders who put the childhood egoic “me” before the “we” of adulthood and society;
  • I see people choosing to talk only with those with whom they agree thus adding further to an already polarized society;
  • I see a willingness to demonize others, be they of a different opinion, a different race, color, religion, and/or gender without any acknowledgement that these “others” merely seek the same privileges we cherish – a sustainable income, a safe environment, and freedom of choice;
  • I see real face-to-face conversations replaced by Twitter, Facebook, iPhones, and other technologies all in the service of not showing ourselves and further isolating us from the vulnerability of human relationships;
  • I see rampant consumerism without regard to the impact on the environment and the planet as a whole living being;
  • I see denial of the scientific research relative to global warming and our actual experiences of rising water, hotter years, more natural disasters and an unwillingness to alter our behaviors;
  • I see an ongoing struggle for affordable healthcare for all including parity for mental health.
 
When I consider these and many other “troubles,” I am having to remind myself that I and you are part of this madness thus share responsibility for not only our own well-being but also for the well-being of our society and the world beyond.  Over the history of civilizations there is clear anecdotal evidence of a direct link between individual psychic-emotional development and the health of a society.  We have to look no further for this evidence than to ask how a healthy society could have elected the former president.  Unless we are willing to undertake our ongoing growth and development individually, there is no hope that society will be able to deal with the “troubles” confronting us all.
It is all too easy to judge, to blame, and to point the finger when, at heart, the challenge is to turn that pointing finger from the other to the self and ask, “How am I contributing to the “troubles” I see around me?” And to further reflect upon those places in my life in which I have been less than my fully human self?  I must be willing to look inside me, to confront my fears, to risk vulnerability, and to be curious about those places in which I hide myself from the truth.  This is not easy work and undertaking this journey reflects both one’s willingness to be responsible for the self and responsible to that which is greater than “me”, the “we” of society.  If we cannot or choose not to do our individual psychic-emotional work then as a society we will never be able to atone for our actions towards indigenous people here and around the world, or towards women, or the LGBTQ community or anyone else we have sought to make “other.”  It is simply not OK fAor us to be finger pointing.  Each of us needs to be curious and committed to confronting our own demons and continuing to grow the self.  This is what it means to be a responsible citizen.
Each of us is part of the fabric of the whole.  When societies fall apart, it is easy to see the societal schisms and much harder to see the psychological schisms within us and reflected in the loss of creative inspiration, escape into polarities, withdrawal, detachment, cynicism, helplessness, and despair both individually and societally.  I ask, “How does that serve the self and how does that serve society?”  I wish to offer some alternatives reflecting ways to grow ourselves during “times of troubles.”
  • First, keep your soul alive.  There is beauty and hope all around us.  Take time to be in the natural world and ask it to teach you about what it knows about moving beyond the “times of troubles.”  Dare to ask a tree how it survives and what it knows about being part of a community.  Its answer might surprise you.  Pursue something that pleases you and feeds your soul.  Spend time in the presence of children and let their curiosity, their hope and joy, and their willingness to embrace life remind you that these same traits still live within you.
  • Second, stay true to your moral compass.  Allow every experience, whether of the mundane or the sacred, be a teaching of what it means to be human.  Let it teach you about both your light and your darkness.  Ask yourself, “What will I learn about myself today as I meet the world?  What will be my successes?  Where will I have fallen short and how will I do it differently next time?”
  • Three, confront your anxieties and fears for these are merely portals to discovery.  They bring us face to face with our foibles – our need to be in control, our greed, our violence to oneself and others.  Every day we have the opportunity to risk doing something differently – start small and let it grow.
  • Four, trust yourself.  Trust is much less about trusting others and more about daring to trust the self to remain centered in one’s truth, to not give one’s power away to others, and to act in ways that respect both the self and others.  So often we give ourselves away because we fear the judgments of others.  Can I have the same fearless commitment to my own truth as those who have been willing to challenge the status quo and refused to give up their seats on the bus, or declared their sexual preference or have added their voices to a variety of movements on behalf of those disappeared?
All these have the potential to grow the self.  It is not easy work.  Life is a journey and the process is as important as the goal.  When we undertake and commit to this on-going internal work then we can begin to bring our gifts of being to a society that desperately needs adults to lead us.  So I now offer some thoughts about what each us needs to do out in the world.
  • First, speak your truth in ways that others can hear what you have to say.  Be curious.  Ask yourself, “If I were standing in that person’s shoes, how would I want to hear this message so that we may remain in dialog?”  Allow your own vulnerability to guide you.
  • Second, live your truth.  Become more conscious of the principles and beliefs which guide you and see where your actions in the world are not consonant with your beliefs.  I hate it when what I believe meets the reality of a situation and I find myself acting in ways that belie my beliefs.  Then I must remind myself to receive this information without judgment but instead with a curiosity that will lead me to a new understanding of myself and a renewed commitment to change.
  • Third, look for places that your judgments and projections get in the way of your truth.  When you find yourself being reactive and judgmental, stop and ask yourself, “What is this person mirroring back to me that I must look at within me?”
  • Fourth, continue to bring your gifts forward.  As I look around, I see elders.  We have experience, knowledge, and wisdom.  Our society and the world needs us.  Find ways to bring your wisdom, your tolerance for ambiguity, and your willingness to hold the center into community.  Dare to step into the unknown to lead us.
  • Fifth, support diversity.  In your actions, dare to welcome those who walk to the beat of a different drummer.  Do not be afraid.  Work to celebrate our differences.  Work to learn from that differentness.
·       Sixth, begin conversations with others with whom you may not agree.  Listen, reflect, dialog.  Look for the common ground.  Be the change you wish to see in the world.  Confront your own “isms” at a deeper and deeper level.  Learn how to dialog on issues on which you do not agree – God, guns, abortion, gender identity.
  • Lastly, as you take yourself out into the world, remember to stay centered.  Each of us is forever weaving and interweaving the internal self with the self we bring into the world.  It is as easy to be caught up in the egotistical self as it is to put the self in servitude to others – neither serves the self nor society well.
Since its founding, our country has lived through many troubled times.  And we have lived through troubled times in our own lifetimes – Hitler and World War II, the threat of communism, civil rights, Vietnam, Watergate, unjust wars and the demonization of an entire religion.  Now we are faced with situations that will test the validity of our democracy while also facing the planet-wide effects of global warming.
We must not give up, withdraw, become cynical, or leave it to others to do the heavy lifting.  We must be willing to grow our lives fully and share our many gifts with others.  We are here together and we still have much to learn about ourselves and about living together on a fragile planet.]]><![CDATA[Women for Women]]>Mon, 29 Oct 2018 17:25:54 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/women-for-womenRecently at a Conference, a presenter explored the double standard relative to the portrayal of women and men in the media.  She wondered why when there is a news story about Stephanie Clifford that, instead the media use the name Stormy Daniels and follow that with “former porn star” and do not mention her roles as wife, mother, entrepreneur, or former candidate for the Senate?  In these days of male privilege and second-class citizenship for women, the answer seems obvious.  Clearly ours is a society that continues to devalue women.

In a recent book, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, Soraya Chemaly presents a few facts:  of the 30 highest paying job categories, 26 are dominated by men; of the 30 lowest paying job categories, women dominate 23; 1 of 4 women lives with domestic violence; 1 in 5 women have been sexually assaulted; and 2 of every 3 women has experienced street harassment.  These stunning figures get little attention in the media; yet when a woman has the courage to break her silence and report an affair, or a violent act, or a sexual assault and names a prominent man, the media is “on it” though not in ways that are respectful to the woman.  How do you think the media would have reported if Christine Blasey Ford had cried or had a temper tantrum during her testimony?  And then Brett Kavanagh gets a polite “pass!”  Everywhere you look there is a double standard and male power prevails.

Back to the Conference:  The presentation brought a question from the floor.  The question came from an Australian man who wondered if the double standard existed, why so many women voted for Trump?  In other words, if this is the plight of women in our society, why aren’t most women casting votes against a man who sees women as objects to satisfy his needs for power and sex outside of the marriage?
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This question set me to thinking about how we as women perceive ourselves and also perceive other women.  Some thoughts:
  • As women, we are generally not raised to value sisterhood but rather to view other women as competitors in the job of finding the right partner.  How can we be open, caring, and supportive of our sisters if the goal is to find the “right” partner?  Acknowledging our common plight in a male dominated society and then coming together will be critical if we are to move forward.
  • When we read or listen to stories of domestic violence or sexual assault, we have a choice as to how we respond to the story:
    • We can find common ground with the victim and be compassionate knowing we have been fortunate not to experience the same or we can be understanding because we have been there, or
    • We can distance ourselves by judging and labelling with disparaging names and claim that that would never happen to us.  Such distancing protects from acknowledging our vulnerability in an unsafe world. It protects from knowing the truth.
  • In parts of our country, strict protocols continue to determine women’s and men’s roles.  There is still the separation of the sexes with men meeting together and their spouses retiring to a different room; and the defined roles of homemaker and wage earner. And in this world of defined roles women look to men for direction in voting as well as other important decisions.  In fact the man expects to take in the role of decision maker.
  • In some religious communities roles are rigidly defined with men in power and women subservient.  Here, too, men can direct women as to how to vote.
  • Lastly as I look back at the last election, I am struck at how Hillary Clinton was demonized in the electoral process and media.  There is a long history to this that goes back to President Clinton’s election in 1992 and certain media have kept this going for 25 years.  I am always struck by the way that we and the media respond to women who try to break powerful barriers to advancement – if a woman candidate were to bring forth the feminine traits, we would label her weak, emotional, unrealistic, pie in the sky and unsuited to lead; yet, if she brings forth the male traits, she is castigated, criticized, demonized as too masculine.  In the end, we do not want a woman because we are too afraid!  Afraid of what….?

In the end, we have a long way to go before we women are no longer second class citizens in this country.  My question is what are we women doing about it?  Equality and power are not going to be handed over to us.  It never has.  Over the centuries, courageous women have challenged the status quo often at peril to themselves.  What are we willing to risk?  Here are some questions to consider:

Consciously ask yourself, what are all the places in which I am treated “less than” because I m a woman?  Where do I “settle” and not speak up?  How do I claim my power?  If I am angry, how might I take the energy of my anger and use it positively on my behalf and that of other women?  How do I perceive other women – are they sisters or competitors.

​Think about it!  Act!]]><![CDATA[Spring Beauty]]>Mon, 01 Jun 2015 17:19:21 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/spring-beautyIn the depths of winter, I am lulled into believing that beauty is limited to a fresh snowfall, snow-laden evergreens, the strident call of the blue jay, and knock-out blue skies.  Then spring arrives and I am jolted awake by a world that has burst into life and a whole new sense of beauty returns.

First the far hills take on red and green hues as last fall’s tight-fisted tree buds begin to expand.  Then all it requires is a few very warm days and Mother Earth’s vegetation erupts.  Tiny leaves break their casings and suddenly the woods are shimmering in a gown of green.  Beneath the trees, delicate and wax-like may flowers peek out from under their leathery leaves.  Fiddleheads pop-up to unfurl into ferns and trillium leaves poke-up like arrowheads from the damp earth. Soon the umbrella-like may apple leaves will shelter the single delicate flower nodding below on the stem.   And everywhere there is birdsong – only the blue jays and crows, year-round residents, have become silent nest keepers.  All the other birds are singing out their hearts.

The world is alive.  After a long winter of incubation, spring’s beauty is one of birth and rebirth – a season of wonder and hope.  Go out and look, listen, smell, taste, and touch the wonders of spring!

]]><![CDATA[Take a Break]]>Fri, 10 Apr 2015 19:34:01 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/take-a-breakI have been thinking a lot about the news media – not just the news dispersed daily around the world but the media itself.  I realize I must adjust to a new view of the news media.  There was a time when the news industry had a cachet of trust with the American public as did those who dispensed the news; but things have changed.  The news media are now part of a much larger entertainment industry whose goal is making money and having power.  So I have been asking, “How does one sell the news?” and “How do we create viewer/listener loyalty?”  The answer seems to be to air the news that will remind us daily that the world is a frightening and very dangerous place.  The answer seems to be to use sensationalism and 24/7 reports on disasters, murders, terrorism, war, crimes and juicy bits about our heroes or heroines.  And we have participated in this with eyes glued to screens or ears tuned to speakers.

Then there is the cult of personality.  The dispensers of the news have become personalities and “newsworthy” items themselves.  They market themselves and exploit their activities, all in service to the ratings game.  There is little wonder that their egos become inflated.  We give them power through our adulation and then become disenchanted when we find that they are no different than we who must also be vigilant about the ways the ego can seduce us.

How does our addiction to the news help us?  How does it serve us to be hooked on politics, power, the latest horror or catastrophe, or the latest piece of gossip about some well-known person?  Can we not utilize our time in more productive or nurturing ways?  I do believe in being an informed citizen and wonder whether we can become more deliberate about the sources of our news and less drawn to news as entertainment.

I’d also like to suggest taking a break from the news.  How about not listening or watching the news for two weeks?  The news will still be there, but in those two weeks, pay attention to how it feels to be free of the news.  Do you notice any change in your level of worry or anxiety?  How do you fill the time that you would normally devote to the news?  In what way might it change your view of the world and your place in it when changing your focus from the world “out there,” to the world immediately around you?  While you are trying this out, consider what other sources of news might be out there for you to access – sources that might be more honest, less sensational, and less tied to a cult of personality.

Try it.  It may change your life!

]]><![CDATA[Whither We Goest?]]>Fri, 10 Apr 2015 19:30:13 GMThttp://rememberingourcommonground.com/musings/whither-we-goestI have read some interesting statistics recently.  The first is that of all the developing nations, the U.S. has the biggest income disparity and that the space between the Haves and the Haves Not is steadily growing wider.  In 1944, the top 1% of our population earned 11% of all income and, in 2012, the top 1% earned 23% of all income.  Second, the median income, adjusted for inflation, is comparable to the income in 1980.  And third, the middle class is shrinking with the greater percentage of families teetering on the edge of poverty.

Our leaders are well aware of these statistics but do not hope for any remedies in the near future.  The truth is that our government, and that includes us, is no longer in charge.  The real truth is that Big Business is in charge and our government has sold out.  Our elected leaders are completely dependent on Big Business both to get elected and to stay elected.

I do not anticipate any change in this in the foreseeable future.

1.       Neither the Democrats nor the Republicans will touch the growing inequalities for to do so would require making adjustments in our particular form of capitalism.  Simply put, can you see a majority of our leaders willing to stand up to Big Business?

2.       There is no evidence that state and federal governments are interested in supporting those who exist on the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder.  In fact, governments are more interested in continuing to cut back on services to those in our communities who are in need of support.

Then there is another statistic that is surely connected to those above.  The U.S. has 5% of the world’s population, and 25% of the population in jails and prisons.  In my gut, I suspect that if we look deeper into that 25%, we would find the overwhelming percentage of inmates would be non-caucasian and poor.  Further, the percentage of white-collar criminals would be very small because in a system driven by money, those with financial power know how to subvert the system and our governing system looks the other way.

No longer do we have a government of, for, and by the people.  It has been gerrymandered and become a government for the few – the white, the wealthy and the powerful who are basically interested in consolidating power while the others be damned.

For the immediate future I have little hope. I know that others are despairing and angry.  I believe the situation will become far worse before it gets better.  My stock is in the more distant future when something else will happen.  It might happen from within but, then again, it might happen from without for we are in a truly global world now.  There will be lessons for us to learn as a nation, as a people.  It will be an exciting and challenging time but it will be painful.

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