Daily I am reminded that my internal sense of peace, calm, and creativity requires a level of predictability and peacefulness in my surrounding environment. Presently rooms are cluttered with boxes and paraphernalia from rooms under construction. Workman’s tools and equipment fill the remaining space not to mention the new and boxed furnishings to be installed. There is one narrow path from the front door through successive rooms. I am relegated to one comfortable chair beside the woodstove. And at night my small bedroom becomes a welcome retreat. My mind is cluttered and I cannot write. Sometimes I can read. Mostly I find myself escaping into hours of DVD viewing on my laptop.
Mind you I am not complaining for I am grateful for the lessons. For one, this has been a reminder to me that this is the “abnormal” and not the “normal” in my life. How fortunate I am that my life is usually one of predictable structure and calm which frees me to open myself to new ideas and experiences. It was not always so. Thus, this experience has brought a new perspective on exactly why, as a child and adolescent, I spent so much of my time out of the house or retreating to a closet-sized, unheated room as my “office.” There is the physical chaos in which I am presently living and there is the emotional chaos of never knowing what was going to happen next. Neither provides the safety and security necessary for me to be creative and energized.
The other place that this experience has taken me is to all those in the world who live in chaos every day. I am stunned to think of the level of energy that must go into survival and is thus lost to creativity, joy, and just the pleasure of living. These are some of the people about whom I am thinking: foster children who are moved from one placement to another; individuals and families who endlessly live on the brink of homelessness; the homeless men, women, and children seeking shelter every night; the refugees and the veterans who in their minds live with the psychic scarring of their experiences.
I can endure six weeks of disruption. The toll is short-lived and I have learned something about myself and have been reminded of those much less fortunate. But what of the toll to those whose lives are lived day after day in chaos, both physical and psychic? What talents and gifts are lost to us in our communities, in our country, and in the world as a result? How many leaders, scientists, teachers, artists, and philosophers are we losing every day? What a waste! What a loss!